so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Randomize
