i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Randomize
