is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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