eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
