So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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