just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
