Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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