the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
We need to rekindle our bromance
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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