So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
