After last night, I could never be a politician.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
