therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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