I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
