Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
