there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
