Have you finally orgasmed yet?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
