I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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