i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
