things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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