What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
