i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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