You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
