When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
