The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
