Buhtt sex?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
