Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
