drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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