yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
