cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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