You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
