I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Randomize
