you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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