He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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