Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
