ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
