the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
There are leaves in my underwear?
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