Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize