Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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