thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
