Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
