We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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