The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
