I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Randomize
