sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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