I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Randomize
