either way he was missing a nipple.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Randomize
