Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
