shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
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