My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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