Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
