Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
