Me too!
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
