Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
