I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
