Don't make out with my wife yet
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
