why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
