she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
