I just cut my nipple shaving
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Randomize
