the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
