I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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