Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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