what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
