I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
i need some magic done to my vagina
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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