Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I just blew my weed a kiss
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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