I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
