it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
