I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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