I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
