hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
